Feral

Do you think anyone would mind if I went feral? Cats and dogs can, and no thinks less of them for it. In fact, they gain a sort of respected status. I almost went feral today. I almost threw down my backpack, ran down to the train tracks, and disappeared into the nearby undergrowth. I'd probably make friends with a fox or some squirrels, move in with them, work on growing an awesome bushy tail. I might return to civilization now and then for a free lunch or a little attention.

Would I mind so much if the rest of the domestic humans looked at me with respect, but a little fear? Would it bother me if I overheard whispers of "Careful! She bites!"?

I didn't go feral today. I might have, but I was wearing fancy boots and a cute skirt. Alas, I'm very fond of wearing fancy boots and cute skirts.

it is cold out. i felt it yesterday morning as i rode my bike to diamond's. my biking days are numbered (i am not a crazy, committed winter biker like some in our fair city). i am starting to wonder why i live in minnesota. the wind chill blew all memories of hot, humid summer right out of my mind today.
it was especially difficult to get out of bed this morning, with the dark sky and the cold air that awaited me when i finally left for the studio. i was feeling panicky, uncertain of the wisdom in quitting half of my job in the midst of bank failures and government take-overs. i was overwhelmed with my limitations--of time, resources, money--and all the things i hope to do, the life i hope to create for myself over the course of the next few years. i was intimidated by the internet, overdosed on pictures of happy, slender women in wedding dresses or showing off their tiny pregnant bellies. we present what we want the world to see on facebook, or if you are like me and you never log in, you are at the mercy of your friends to present the world with your life in pictures.
which is fine, but sometimes i get confused about what is meaningful about life, and what the truth is about myself. i am especially aware of that as i embark on the journey of starting an internet-based business. oy, the thought! one day at a time.
i feel more energized and calm tonight. it helps to go the the gym and be reminded that i am not alone and that i need time and space to adjust to a new life.
i am ready to hibernate, to hole up in our little tiny apartment for the next several months and set to work with all the creative tasks i have on my plate. and read. and watch movies.

to do this week/end:
finish carving blocks for christmas cards, start printing.
organize home office (euphamism for the corner of my bedroom containing a desk and file cabinet).
buy a chair for home office.
move a/c to basement.
go to crafty planet for living room curtain fabric, bobbins.
based on card printing experiment, go to home depot and automotive store for press-building supplies.
order herbs.
start sewing sachets and dream pillows.
organize photos in a meaningful way, upload to new flickr account.
go to the y.
get together with the schmidts.
organize hall closet?

i feel better now.

Hold On

This weekend was so lovely: I was especially glad for the way we were able to shift, all together, from silliness to stillness. (Though the photo makes our sweet time spent looking up at the pine tops look sort of like a still from a horror film!)

I want to hold on to fall just like this:

Today is the official kick-off day for the Winter Arts Initiative! And the weather this morning felt right for it: gray and rain. From Robert Hass:

So summer gives over--
white to the color of straw
dove gray to slate blue
burnishings
a little rain
a little light on the water

Raspberries!

Oh, the marvelousness of raspberries! 

The fun facts I have learned about raspberries today are as follows:

• Raspberries used to be called "hindberries" because female deer are so fond of them.
• Raspberries increase female libido while toning and contracting the uterus. 
• Raspberries can be stimulating and cooling at the same time.
• The ancient greeks referred to Raspberries as the Brambles of Mount Ida. Mount Ida in greek mythology is associated with all kinds births, adoptions, and sex. It is also a place where nymphs and goddesses hung out on a regular basis. It is thought that this mountain is associated with female deities because it was an early pagan place of worship for an Earth Mother figure.

I love Raspberry and the little life lessons its teaches to my feminine nature. Lessons about being both vulnerable and guarded, both excited and level-headed, both nurturing and nurtured. Talk about female energy!

i am supposed to be at the gym. but i am not. i skipped it for some time at home, hot chocolate, and clean dishes. i am never as productive as i mean to be, as i want to be.
it is getting cold.
i should go to the studio.
and tomorrow morning, i should go to the gym.
here is my favorite thing from our camping trip:
i have so many pictures, but need to figure out a better way to get them onto my computer. or i need to learn how to use iphoto.
riveting post, wouldn't you say?
amy is selling these chairs. they need new stuffing and upholstery, but the shape of them is lovely.

Season changes are always reminding me to be more seasonal in my own life. A huge priority for me is to be so in touch with the natural world that my body and mind will automatically reflect the season. Like a squirrel hiding walnuts under the leaves. Like a bird searching for warmer air currents. Like a sleepy fox hiding its warm nose under a soft tail.

This weekend contained a delightful camping trip to Wild River state park where I had the opportunity to gather Horsetail, see my first Greater Potentilla, engage a Barred Owl in a brief conversation, and dance a little bit closer to a group of people I enjoy. I'm going to lay out the Horsetail next to the Black Walnut husks to dry for a few weeks. I have trouble being patient with the drying process, but it's good to know that I have medicine-making fun waiting for me a few months down the road.

Tonight, however, is a time for science, so I'll put my focus on Plant Biology and temporarily trick myself into believing that the xylem and phloem of a Cedar is somehow different than the arteries in veins within me.

What We Wait For

October in Minnesota is, for me, a beautiful yet tense month--the cold
air bearable, even novel, but beginning to hint at months of hunched
shoulders to come. This poem by John Ashbery catches that feeling for
me: the fullness of harvest, the ominous (promising? frightening?)
sense of something oncoming (winter or otherwise).

AT NORTH FARM

Somewhere someone is traveling furiously toward you,
At incredible speed, traveling day and night,
Through blizzards and desert heat, across torrents, through
 narrow passes.
But will he know where to find you,
Recognize you when he sees you,
Give you the thing he has for you?
Hardly anything grows here,
Yet the granaries are bursting with meal,
The sacks of meal piled to the rafters.
The streams run with sweetness, fattening fish;
Birds darken the sky. Is it enough
That the dish of milk is set out at night,
That we think of him sometimes,
Sometimes and always, with mixed feelings?

this is me, posting. more to come from us all.